As the water for my spaghetti noodles is boiling over on the stove, I've been contemplating what it is that's actually happening to me and trying to understand and accept that it's going to take some work for me to actually have a baby and be okay with that fact. That's a hard thing for me to be okay with. All my life, one of the only things I've wanted to be is a mom. I always assumed it would just be easy for me. You'd have sex and viola, babies are made. Not in my case. So here's what I know (which isn't much); I'm not ovulating. In other words my body isn't maturing or releasing an egg to be fertilized, I'm also producing too much insulin which is part of the reason that I'm not ovulating, if that weren't enough I produce little cysts around my ovaries that in turn stop me from ovulating. So in a nutshell, my body is working against me and my baby dreams.
So I'm fighting back. My OBGYN put me on a few different medications which should help me to ovulate and hopefully have a bun in the oven sooner rather than later. I've started taking Metformin 500mg once a day, which is a diabetes drug but will help with the insulin. Provera 10mg, which helps to shed the lining of the endometrium. Finally, Clomid, which I am still discussing with my husband. Clomid is a drug that makes you ovulate and apparently mixed with the Metformin greatly increases the chance of getting pregnant. I've also started trying to lose some weight and get to a healthier place, body and mind.
Now I say that my husband and I are still discussing the Clomid because he hasn't given me a definite answer yet about really trying to have a baby. Sure I'm not on birth control, we haven't used condoms in a couple months, and when approached with the subject of me being pregnant he says that it would be okay. But he's never come out and said, let's have a baby. Any time I bring the subject up he contradicts himself, but never says yes or no. The doctor said I could hold off on the Clomid until we're really trying, but part of me wants to get it started. Another part of me feels like that's pushing too much or deceiving my husband. So maybe for this month, I'll hold off. What are your thoughts? Are you taking similar medications? Is there anything in addition to what I'm doing that could help me get there sooner? I've been reading What to Expect Before You're Expecting, which has a lot of helpful information in it. Is there any other books I should look into that are helpful?
Take the Clomid, I know Hunter is ready he told me....I was lucky enough to raise this great man, but I want you to know something about him that he hides....if he tells you exactly, that he wants you to take it, then he knows he did not wait the 5 years he told you in the beginning. To Hunter for some reason, that is a big deal. He never wants to be the one who gets told, "I told you so"....Krista, take the meds, Hunter told me to my face, he wants a child now, or he would be making sure there was protection when having sex. I have known him ALL of his life...hehe...and down under that big bear of a man, is one of the most gentle men I have had the chance to know and see. He loves you, and knows what you want and is willing, he for some reason cannot just say the word yes....its like my christmas village story....he knows I know what he would really do if he could, but to voice that to everyone in his family would be embarrassing to him...TAKE THE MED..GET PREGNANT AND YOU WILL DISCOVER A WHOLE NEW HUNTER THAT YOU STILL HAVE NOT SEEN, THAT I KNOW EXISTS. I LOVE YOU!!!!
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